How to Survive Life (and Death) by Robert Kopecky

Author:Robert Kopecky
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781609259501
Publisher: Mango Media

Radical kindness works very well to ease the pain of heartbreak too, because it puts you right back into the flow of Love. And when you're in that flow, you will not stay completely alone for long.

When others cause you the pain of perceived betrayal or abandonment, it's good to remember that when it seems that someone has hurt you emotionally, it's become your problem, not theirs. They've gone on to live with their karma and, until you find acceptance and bring in some radical forgiveness, you're the one who is stuck. No forward movement. As counterintuitive as it may sound—since, after all, someone “done you wrong”—the pain you experience in these situations is often a form of selfishness. Not that it's your fault at all; but if you honestly search down in your heart, you may very well have known that you were heading for a fall, that you were playing a part in the whole scenario. Life can be a little Shakespearean that way. There's also something about the crazy human ego that can make us feel as if we must participate in this kind of pain longer than necessary—as if it's somehow protecting us, when actually it's holding us back from Life.

Most of our favorite people are the ones who do just what they say they'll do when they say they are going to do it—at the greatest benefit to us and right when we think we need it the most. So naturally, we're going to suffer from expecting too much of anyone who can't live up to those rather high standards. That's the kind of subtle selfishness I'm talking about. The more we make it all about ourselves, the more it hurts—especially when we should have known better.

How can you cure the pain caused by being disappointed with yourself? Get over it by realizing that you're only human and, as such, it's your nature to regret what you might have done better. No one is perfect. No one's going to be a genius or a movie star or a millionaire all the time. Not even geniuses or movie stars or millionaires. The story goes that once, as Cary Grant was talking about his deepest insecurities, the fellow he was talking to said: “But you don't have to worry about that; you're Cary Grant!” To which the rich, handsome actor replied: “I wish I were.” A story like that can give us a little compassion for ourselves, and a little gratitude for the sweetness and simplicity of our own lives. It isn't easy for anyone. We're all in this together. There's always tomorrow. Clichés like these and many others exist solely to point out the folly of our selfish pains.

It's also why radical forgiveness is our second tip for happiness, and why radical kindness is the first. Because, if selfish pain is caused by feeling as if the Universe hasn't been fair to you—hasn't given you what you wanted, what you “needed”—then the most counterintuitive, but effective, cure to that is to summon up all your available kindness and give something back.

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